A Journey of Faith and Hope, learning how to go on when cancer takes away your Child...

A Day For Healing!

2012-01-17T12:51:00.000-08:00

On Friday January 13th 2012 we had our Relay For Life kick-off in BlountCounty. We had the blessing of hearing Lindsay Jones who is now 15 years oldshare her testimony. Lindsay was 4 years old when they discovered she had avery rare cancer rhabdomyosarcoma, this disease took Lindsay's eyesight. Heroutlook on life is more than most people who still have all their senses. I metLindsay in 2006 when we both won awards from the American Cancer Society LifeInspiration. She can sing, goes to a regular school, is in all kinds ofprograms. Her saying "Even though I have lost my vision I have not lost myvision for Living". Lindsay blessed my heart, she gave me the passion tocontinue this endeavor of finding a cure for cancer.

I also had the honor of sharing my testimony. Many of you know that not onlydo I have to battle this dreadful disease, so have many of my family members.The loss of my parents, brother and son has been so hard. Each day as I awake Idon't know just what will unfold, however I do know that God will provide away. On Saturday morning January 14, 2012 I stood on my back deck at 8:30 am, Icould see the moon. I quickly looked back because I caught a glimpse ofsomething. As my eyes looked back I could see my sweet Daniel's face, he had abig smile as if to say mama I love you. Oh how my heart leaped for joy, it isthese little treasures that God gives to me that keeps me remembering there isHOPE.

My passion in life is to not only serve an AWESOME GOD, it is to also helpthose who battle a terrible disease. Once you have walked the road of beinghurt, sick, scared, a feeling of lostness you can never forget what a diagnosisof cancer does to your friends and family. This is what drives the passion ofhelping others in need.

In January of 2011 I went for my yearly colonoscopy and they ran the upperEGD to make sure that I had no polyps in the upper small intestine. The doctorcame out and said I am sorry but you have a lot of polyps on your duodenum. Isaid what is that, I had no idea.

duodenum [doo″o-de´num]

the first or proximal portion of the small intestine, about25 cm (10 inches) long, extending from the pylorus to the jejunum. It plays animportant role in digestion of food because both the common bile duct and thepancreatic duct empty into it. It is subject to various disorders, the mostcommon of which are peptic ulcers and obstruction due todilatation of the intestine and stasis of the duodenal contents. The duodenumalso may be the site of diverticula, fistulas, and occasionally tumors.

The doctor said we did a biopsy of these polyps and willknow in a few days if they are pre-cancer or cancer. She referred me to aspecial doctor who could perform surgery if needed. So I began a new journeynot sure just where it would end. My new doctor said all the biopsy's came backpositive for pre-cancer. Surgery was a must to get rid of these before theydeveloped into cancer.

This is the procedure I had done on February 15, 2011.

Pancreas-Sparing Distal Duodenectomy for InfrapapillaryNeoplasms

I am currently still healing from this surgery. I had a lot of complicationsdue to infection, the loss of proteins and vitamins. In March I will have my 1year test done to make sure there are no polyps on what is left of my duodumen.

I pray each day that there will be a cure for my disease. I still have HOPEthat my phone will ring and the doctor will say we have a pill for you to taketo keep the polyps from growing. I am not fearful for that would give the devilan inch into my life to torment me with his power. I have the POWER OF MY GOD,SAVIOR, LORD, AND HEALER. I am just like you, I laugh, play and enjoy life. Ilove my sweet Donald who encourages me to be all that I can. I will continueuntil there is no more cancer to hurt, kill and destroy the lives of those whoare in the world.

Christmas Time

2011-12-19T19:24:00.000-08:00

It is almost Christmas time and I am trying to stay upbeat. This will be my 3rd Christmas without our sweet Daniel. I know he is fine, but I still am a mom even though life was so short for him. Oh it seems just like yesterday that he and Ray had their bb gun's going out to find something to shoot at. That's the way our boys were, they loved to hunt, fish and just get plain old dirty. I can still hear them giggle because I found their worms in their pants pockets just before they entered the washing machine. I really had to laugh hard when my mom had bought them little fishing rods with a big plastic fish on the end of the line. I walked into the bathroom to find them with the fish in the toilet just splashing water all in the floor. They could come up with some good ones. One day before I went to work I told the boys I wanted them to pick up all their toys and clean their room real good. When I got home that afternoon to my surprise the room was spotless, not a toy in sight. I said boys where did you put all of your toys, Ray said in the garbage can. Well why did you do that I asked and Daniel said because we want one of those guns like daddy. Oh boy we went from the small guns to the big ones. That is the story of little boys and their toys.

These are some of my funny memories. On the serious side of being a mom, life stinks sometimes. I have no answers, I only know that one day God will make it all right. I hope you remember to tell those around you that you love them. Don't worry about that perfect gift because Jesus is perfect. I hope you have a very Merry CHRISTmas!!

Pennie

STANDing STRONG

2011-10-14T16:49:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I last blogged. Sorry about that, I have been in that chair again. What chair am I talking about the big green recliner that I use when I have had surgery or just not feeling well. I promise to try and post more about this long journey a little later this month. I do want to remind you ladies to get your mammogram this month, it is breast cancer awareness.

God Bless,
Pennie Bickerstaff

A New Journey

2011-01-24T07:19:00.000-08:00

On January 21, 2011 I went for my usual test to make sure there are no polyps in the upper part of my small intestine. The doctor came in and said that there are polyps in my small intestine and in my duodenum, she did biopsies of all the areas involved, I will know this week what I am looking at. She said I will have to have surgery either way to remove these polyps from my small intestine.

I am hopeful that this is going to be a breeze and I will only have to have minor surgery. I am not fearful, I am staying postive in my walk with the Lord. I told a friend that I did not know just where God is taking me on this journey but I am up to whatever He has in store. I ask that you lift the doctors and my family up in prayer, for wisdom, strength, courage, and a peace that passing all understanding.

Love,

Pennie

Two Horses

2010-12-12T18:23:00.000-08:00

~ T W O H O R S E S ~

Author Unknown

Just up the road from my home is a field,
with two horses in it.

From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse.
But if you stop your car, or are walking by,
you will notice something quite amazing....

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind.
His owner has chosen not to have him put down,
but has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing. If you stand nearby & listen,
you will hear the sound of a bell.
Looking around for the source of the sound,
you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.

Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell.
It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is,
so he can follow.

As you stand & watch these two friends,
you'll see that the horse with the bell
is always checking on the blind horse,
& that the blind horse will listen for the bell
& then slowly walk to where the other horse is,
trusting that he will not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell
returns to the shelter of the barn each evening,
it stops occasionally & looks back,
Making sure that the blind friend
isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses,
God does not throw us away
just because we are not perfect
or because we have problems or challenges.

He watches over us & even brings others into our lives
To help us when we are in need..

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided
by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives.
Other times we are the guide horse,
helping others to find their way....

Good friends are like that...
You may not always see them,
but you know they are always there..

Please listen for my bell & I'll listen for yours,
and remember..

Be kinder than necessary -
Everyone you meet is fighting
Some kind of battle.

Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.......

And leave the rest to God!

FOR WE WALK BY FAITH & NOT BY SIGHT!

CHRISTmas Blessings Son

2010-12-08T10:19:00.000-08:00

Of all the Christmas presents I gave you and could give you now none could behold the sight you are beholding on this CHRISTmas morning as CHRIST holds you in HIS arms.
I can just see the glow on your face and the twinkle in your eyes as you lavish in Christ's Glory.

I am so thankful that you are my son. Your life on earth was far too short for me. As I remember back over the 22 years I know that I am so blessed to have such wonderful memories of you.
Do I think you were perfect, never. What I do think is you were a young man who followed God,
and in the end you received the most precious gift, ETERNAL LIFE.

As a mother I cannot imagine how CHRIST felt as HE watched HIS own SON die on a cold forsaken cross, just so all the world could live forever, if WE accept CHRIST as OUR LORD and SAVIOR.

Father I thank YOU for loving our son Daniel, for providing EVERLASTING LIFE so he would live forever and ever. We ask that you hold him close on this special morning and give him a hug and kiss from us. Whisper in his ear our blessings of glad tidings.

Daniel we love you and we miss you, our hearts are warm with your sweet aroma of love.
Each tear that falls from our eyes is because we love you.
One day my son we shall never depart again.
Merry CHRISTmas!!
Love Forever,
Mom, Dad & Ray
December 24, 2010

The Story of The Christmas Cookies

2010-12-01T04:34:00.001-08:00

Our Sweet Daniel was always thinking of others. During his first treatment at UAB Kirkland Clinic as we sat in the waiting room October 2005 he looked around the waiting room and said mom we need to do something special for all these cancer patients, they need to know they are loved and prayed for. I looked at him and said okay what do you want to do? He said can we bake cookies for them, so that December my kitchen turned into a bakery. I had cookie dough up to my elbows and Daniel was right in the mix. Each cookie was prayed over and we asked God to bless that patient and their families.

There is more we did not stop with just them we did enough for all the staff, doctors, and nurses. Each bag contained scripture and the wonderful message of God's love. I seen the most precious spark in my son eyes, he was joyful.

I received a letter from the Radiation Department, and my heart was full. The letter said Dear Mrs. Bickerstaff I want to thank you for what you have done here in our department. We see people come in here everyday, most of them don't make it and there are so many staff who see the face of cancer. They do not understand how God could allow all this pain, she said with these cookies and the scripture of HOPE you put in each bag has given them back the understanding that God is real, He does care, and He is holding them in His hands. She said you are the Christmas Cookie Lady who we love and your son started a wonderful Ministry.

The real face of cancer is not that cute boy, girl, or adult on a billboard with no hair and a wonderful smile, it is hard to watch your loved one suffer from cancer. The face is many tests, surgery, chemotherapy, radiation and the horrible pain. If I can give just one person a reason to smile while receiving treatment then I have done just what Daniel wanted.

This will be my third Christmas to deliver cookies without Daniel in person, but I know he is still with me in the kitchen baking and with me to deliver them in Spirit. I thank the Lord for my wonderful memories and I am making new ones. Daniel your Mother is very proud of YOU....

Thanksgiving Praises

2010-11-25T15:55:00.000-08:00

Father you are so wonderful to me, you give me FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE beyond measure. I am so thankful for your out stretched hands that hold me closer when I am happy, sad, or overcome with grief. YOU are the ONE I count on every second of my life. Thank you for giving me two precious parents who now reside in Heaven with you. It is their LOVE for YOU that taught me to LOVE YOU more than anything, to TRUST YOU even when I cannot see where the road is leading me.

Love Your Daughter,

Pennie

Because Of Love

2010-11-16T19:01:00.000-08:00

A brother and sister had made their usual hurried, obligatory pre-Christmas visit to the little farm where dwelt their elderly parents with their small herd of horses. The farm was where they had grown up and had been named Lone Pine Farm because of the huge pine, which topped the hill behind the farm. Through the years the tree had become a talisman to the old man and his wife, and a landmark in the countryside. The young siblings had fond memories of their childhood here, but the city hustle and bustle added more excitement to their lives, and called them away to a different life.

The old folks no longer showed their horses, for the years had taken their toll, and getting out to the barn on those frosty mornings was getting harder, but it gave them a reason to get up in the mornings and a reason to live. They sold a few foals each year, and the horses were their reason for joy in the morning and contentment at day's end.

Angry, as they prepared to leave, the young couple confronted the old folks "Why do you not at least dispose of 'The Old One'. She is no longer of use to you. It's been years since you've had foals from her. You should cut corners and save so you can have more for yourselves. How can this old worn out horse bring you anything but expense and work? Why do you keep her anyway?"

The old man looked down at his worn boots, holes in the toes, scuffed at the barn floor and replied, " Yes, I could use a pair of new boots".
His arm slid defensively about the Old One's neck as he drew her near with gentle caressing he rubbed her softly behind her ears. He replied softly, "We keep her because of love. Nothing else, just love."

Baffled and irritated, the young folks wished the old man and his wife a Merry Christmas and headed back toward the city as darkness stole through the valley.
The old couple shook their heads in sorrow that it had not been a happy visit. A tear fell upon their cheeks. How is it that these young folks do not understand the peace of the love that filled their hearts?

So it was, that because of the unhappy leave-taking, no one noticed the insulation smoldering on the frayed wires in the old barn. None saw the first spark fall. None but the "Old One".

In a matter of minutes, the whole barn was ablaze and the hungry flames were licking at the loft full of hay. With a cry of horror and despair, the old man shouted to his wife to call for help as he raced to the barn to save their beloved horses. But the flames were roaring now, and the blazing heat drove him back. He sank sobbing to the ground, helpless before the fire's fury. His wife back from calling for help cradled him in her arms, clinging to each other, they wept at their loss.

By the time the fire department arrived, only smoking, glowing ruins were left, and the old man and his wife, exhausted from their grief, huddled together before the barn. They were speechless as they rose from the cold snow covered ground. They nodded thanks to the firemen as there was nothing anyone could do now. The old man turned to his wife, resting her white head upon his shoulders as his shaking old hands clumsily dried her tears with a frayed red bandana. Brokenly he whispered, "We have lost much, but God has spared our home on this eve of Christmas. Let us gather strength and climb the hill to the old pine where we have sought comfort in times of despair. We will look down upon our home and give thanks to God that it has been spared and pray for our beloved most precious gifts that have been taken from us.

And so, he took her by the hand and slowly helped her up the snowy hill as he brushed aside his own tears with the back of his old and withered hand.

The journey up the hill was hard for their old bodies in the steep snow. As they stepped over the little knoll at the crest of the hill, they paused to rest, looking up to the top of the hill the old couple gasped and fell to their knees in amazement at the incredible beauty before them.

Seemingly, every glorious, brilliant star in the heavens was caught up in the glittering, snow-frosted branches of their beloved pine, and it was aglow with heavenly candles. And poised on its top most bough, a crystal crescent moon glistened like spun glass. Never had a mere mortal created a Christmas tree such as this. They were breathless as the old man held his wife tighter in his arms.

Suddenly, the old man gave a cry of wonder and incredible joy. Amazed and mystified, he took his wife by the hand and pulled her forward. There, beneath the tree, in resplendent glory, a mist hovering over and glowing in the darkness was their Christmas gift. Shadows glistening in the night light.

Bedded down about the "Old one" close to the trunk of the tree, was the entire herd, safe.

At the first hint of smoke, she had pushed the door ajar with her muzzle and had led the horses through it. Slowly and with great dignity, never looking back, she had led them up the hill, stepping cautiously through the snow. The foals were frightened and dashed about. The skittish yearlings looked back at the crackling, hungry flames, and tucked their tails under them as they licked their lips and hopped like rabbits. The mares that were in foal with a new years crop of babies, pressed uneasily against the "Old One" as she moved calmly up the hill and to safety beneath the pine. And now she lay among them and gazed at the faces of the old man and his wife.

Those she loved she had not disappointed. Her body was brittle with years, tired from the climb, but the golden eyes were filled with devotion as she offered her gift--
Because of love. Only Because of love.

Tears flowed as the old couple shouted their praise and joy... And again the peace of love filled their hearts.

This is a true story.
Willy Eagle
This is an Inspirational message sent to a small group of people. My hope is that it will make your day just a little bit better.

Cancer is a strange cell. Going along for years in remission and then one day it pops it head up again. Pray for the day there will be a permanent cure.

Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer and peace for the families ravaged by it. In Jesus name, Amen
All you are asked to do is keep praying.

Understanding Grief

2010-11-07T04:59:00.000-08:00

First of all I did not ask you to understand my Grief.
Second of all have you walked in my shoes?
Do you know what it is like to wake up each morning and your mind fill with the same memories of losing a child?
Do you remember the day you gave birth and the day your laid your child in the ground.
Third of all…Yes I know that he is in a better place. I know that one day I will see him again, that is the reason I keep breathing.
Please don’t try to tell me you don’t understand Grief, I am glad you do not.
When you love someone, when you watch them grow, learn how to play ball, catch their first fish, kill their first deer,
give you flowers from your own garden, kiss their face, hear them say I love you mommy, how can you not grieve?
I thank you for trying to understand me, but please don’t waste your time, I don’t understand myself.

Another Year Older....

2010-11-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

Humm...I didn't know if I would make it to 46 but here I am I have survived. What would life be like if we could go back and take slow steps, not rush, enjoy each new day??? I guess we will never know.

Twenty Five Months

2010-10-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

One Day I will walk into HIS Presence, I will feel HIS Healing, I will know that HE has made everything right.
Today as I walk on my journey as a mom suffering from the death of a child I have learned that I will survive, I will march on, I will help others in need, ONLY by the GRACE of GOD. When you see me you think I am strong, you are wrong, I am only who I am because GOD pulled me from the sinking sand and said MY DAUGHTER I have a journey for you. I often stop and say GOD are you sure I can do this, then I feel HIS STRONG HAND and I know that I can do all things.
Today October 18, 2010 is the 25Th month that my sweet son took JESUS by the HAND and entered into his GLORIOUS REWARD. The Scripture that GOD gave me today is this:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:12-13

One Day GOD will wipe away all my tears and HE will say WEEP NEVER AGAIN!!!

Pennie

Reflection

2010-09-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

When I look back at all the time that has gone by I am numbed. It has been 24 months on September 18Th when our little boy Daniel made his grand entrance into Heaven. I am shocked that somehow with God's Grace I have survived the most horrible experience that a mother could face. I look back and wonder is there anything I could have done to make Daniel live longer? The answer is no. I walked every long, dark path that could have been to give my son more life. I cannot answer the whys, what ifs, how comes. I can answer the TRUTH God needed Daniel more than we did here on earth.
When I take down Daniel's scrapbook's and look back at all the emails, cards, and the multitude of prayers that went up for our son I can say I have seen a Miracle. I see thousands of people who loved my son and they Trusted God with his care, and his needs. I see the care and love for Donald, Ray and I as I read all the cards & emails that people sent after Daniel passed on. How do we survive after the loss of a child? Trust God to carry you though each moment of your lives, there is no other way to survive.
At one time I did not want to live. Now I want to live because Daniel would want his mother to carry on. God blessed Donald and I with two wonderful brown hair, brown eyed little boys. We have our oldest son and I have to remember he needs me more than Daniel. We often forget the siblings that are left without a brother or sister, they are hurting too. Sometimes we all make hasty decisions and make mistakes, we have to learn to forgive, don't carry around a torch ready to burn someone, love them, help them in their time of need.
I don't know if grief gets any better, I will know when I walk further on this path. For now I am a survivor, I am cancer free, and I am stronger than I was yesterday.
God Bless

Another Blessing

2010-09-10T06:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had to have a tooth removed. The doctor I was sent to was Awesome, he cares about his patients. As he looked on my chart he said you are a colon cancer survivor and I said yes sir 12 years. He then began to ask me our families history of cancer, so I shared with him my story. He said can I share your story with my nurses and I said yes. He said here you are smiling, walking and talking with all you have been through. I told him only GOD could give me this kind of strength. He then shared with me how he was in a motor cycle wreck and he had severe brain truma. He said yes GOD is our strength.
His next comment was people do not know what others have been through. I really like
Dr. McCay.

God Has Everything Planned....

2010-08-31T12:11:00.000-07:00

This past week-end as I was in Nashville for the American Cancer Society Summit I met someone that only God could have set up.

It was on Saturday morning during sessions I went to get a refill at the soda fountain, I had on my ACS Heroes Of Hope shirt. As I began to fill up this young Hispanic lady came up to me (she worked there at the hotel) and asked who I was. I told her that I volunteer for the ACS, and that we are in the fight against cancer. She could not speak English very well so I asked one of the other hotel workers to translate for us.

Alidia is her name, she told me her 8 year old daughter had just been diagnosed with leukemia. She has just began her journey with cancer and is having a blood transfusion this week along with her chemotherapy. Her daughters name is Lidia and she needs lots of prayers. I connected Alidia with a local ACS worker in Nashville to make sure she has the help she needs to fight this battle.

When I told Alidia that I am a 12 year colon cancer SURVIVOR, tears began to fall. She said you have given me HOPE that my little girl has a chance to win this battle. Alidia asked me if I would pray for her daughter and I said yes I will. I gave her my phone # and I told her to call me anytime she needed to talk.

Only God could have provided this meeting with two total strangers. I am very HONORED to serve an AWESOME GOD even in the midst of my pain I am still usable.

Make sure you put on your smile before you go out the door, you just never know who you will bless.

Love,

Pennie

My Friend Pat

2010-08-31T10:09:00.000-07:00

I have a dear friend who has been diagnosed with colon cancer. We need lots of prayers going up for her now. God has and will provide what she needs during this journey, so remember Pat and pray for her.
Thanks,
Pennie

I want to RUN!!!!

2010-08-18T03:16:00.000-07:00

I want to run through the meadow, laugh, cry, scream, I want my Daniel back. My heart is in a thousand peices today because I have to realize that Daniel is not coming back to our home ever. Grief is not all it is cracked up to be....it stinks....

Always on my mind....

2010-08-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow at 6:30 am our Daniel entered into Heaven 23 months ago. It is so hard for me to try to even understand the questions that pour out of my mind. I do know that God is in Control, but I also know that I am a mama, and if it did not hurt then that would mean I did not love him. Each moment is priceless so make sure you make it count. Say a prayer for us as we journey through another month without Daniel.
We miss you Daniel and I know that granny, papa's, uncle Lamar and great-grandma's are there with you. Lord shine your love down on us, let us feel your healing fingers.
Love Mom, Dad, Ray

Treasures are all around us....

2010-08-11T07:49:00.000-07:00

Some days treasures fall into our lap, other days we have to search to find them. The American Cancer Society is one of my treasures because they care about cancer patients.

This year the ACS as every year before will recognize 20 cancer survivors with the honor of Life Inspiration Award, one caregiver and one doctor.

I have had the blessing of receiving this Award in 2006, along with my sweet Daniel in 2007, Donald caregiver of the year 2008.

For this year’s Award Ceremony I have been asked to share my Story Of Hope. This is one of the highest honor's I could have ever been asked to do. Cancer patients have my heart, been there done that.

God has given me strength beyond all understanding, I don't fully understand. I do know this if He brings me to it He will bring me through it. Please pray for me as I prepare and speak on Thursday night at The Club in Birmingham.

God Bless,

Pennie

The Compassionate Friends

2010-07-29T08:26:00.000-07:00

Grief Support After the Death of a Child
“The Compassionate Friends is about transforming the pain of grief into the elixir of hope. It takes people out of the isolation society imposes on the bereaved and lets them express their grief naturally. With the shedding of tears, healing comes. And the newly bereaved get to see people who have survived and are learning to live and love again.”

—Simon Stephens, founder of The Compassionate Friends

Praying for Jake Simmons

2010-07-26T06:22:00.000-07:00

As many of you know Jake Simmons is an AWESOME young man who just happened to be struck by cancer. Jake needs our prayers, he also needs our support. There are many fund raisers going on to help with his medical care. Please go to his facebook page and see just where you can help. Jake Simmons Support page.
Thanks,
Pennie

2010-06-04T13:26:00.000-07:00

Happy Happy Birthday Daniel

2010-06-04T05:50:00.000-07:00

On this day 25 years ago I gave birth to a wonderful brown eyed son, Daniel. How I wish I could wrap him in my arms and say I love you a thousand times over. God today give Daniel an extra hug and kiss from his dad, mom and brother. Let him sit on a cloud so I can just imagine him there blowing angel kisses at me. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Daniel, Happy Birthday to YOU!!! Sent from mama and daddy with a special kiss.
Love,
MOM

My Story Of Hope!!!

2010-05-25T18:13:00.001-07:00

Last August I was chosen to be a Hero Of Hope Speaker for the American Cancer Society. Out of 7 states 20 people for the Mid-South Division was chosen to carry such a high honor.
I can truly say that I have been all over the State of Alabama sharing my families story. I have been asked by many people do you have your story somewhere on the website? Not yet but I am working on getting that uploaded in the near future.
This past week-end I was asked to speak at Louisiana Relay For Life Event. Donald and I also celebrated our 28Th Wedding Anniversary. What a great get-away for the week-end. Our Anniversary was also the day we buried our 22 year old. I now look at my anniversary with two things in mind God gave me an AWESOME husband and a out of this world Son.
This is what happened on Saturday when we got to the Relay. There were 3 cancer research doctors there, they all 3 were given a grant by the ACS to continue their studies. Here is the best part, and only God could provide this. One of the doctors Hamid A. Boulares, Phd is doing a study on my disease. He was so overwhelmed with my families story. He said in the next year there will be a huge breakthrough with a drug that will hopefully kill any polyps that grow. He even said he wants me to come and take a tour in the lab to show me what they are doing with this new drug. I will even be able to see how these polyps grow (I want share that with you, just use your imagination, four little legs is how it gets around)...
Please remember we must fight for a cure for all cancers. No one should have to suffer from this terrible disease.
My Journey has taken me through doors that I never dreamed I would even open. Why Me? I don't have an answer I just know that God has never left me, He has walked the lowest valley's with me and when I am on the Mountain He is there. No matter where life leads if only we follow HIM our lives will be better.
Pray for me as another door has opened and I am waiting on the Lord to give me the direction I need to go.
All Is Good With Jesus,
Pennie

God Knows Best

2010-05-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends I ask that you lift our family up in prayer. On Sunday my uncle David Graham passed away, he lived in Tennessee. He is loved greatly and will be missed so much. David was a true man of God and lived 81 full years of life. He loved his family and was always a great provider.
The viewing will be Tuesday night, and the funeral will be Wednesday at 11:00 am. I ask that you not only pray for our safety but for the comfort that each family member will need.
Donald, Ray and I need your prayers so much right now tomorrow Tuesday May 18 at 6:30am our Daniel went home to Heaven. This is his 2ND BIRTHDAY to live in perfect peace, but our hearts are so broken and we miss our little doodle bug. One Day We will be together again in Paradise.
Thanks,
Pennie

Mother's Day 2010

2010-05-10T05:39:00.000-07:00

How do parent's deal with Mother & Father's Day?
I never dreamed that at the age of 45 I would be putting flowers on my sons grave. How can this be?
For Donald and I we hold on to each other and remember the times we had 22 wonderful years with Daniel. I remember all the sweet things Daniel would come up to show how much he loved us. He and Ray would give me flowers that they picked from my flower gardens. I didn't care because they wanted to give me something special and that is the best gift you could ever get.
Dinner around our family table would be the best. I can still hear the dishes of food being passed around.
Now we just fire up the grill and try to make it through the day.
Losing a brother is hard, very hard for the close brother relationship. Ray has suffered a great loss that will never be filled again.
We are just one of many, many families who are hurting. There is HOPE and FAITH that one day we will always be together never again to depart. Only God can give to us what we need each moment of the day to hold on to the next minute.
Daniel I know you are running with the Angels and that God has given you a new body. No cancer cannot hold him back anymore...
We LOVE You,
Mom, Dad, Ray

Hero Of Hope

2010-04-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

Relay For Life is in full swing all across the Nation. I am so proud to be a part of making a difference in all cancer patients lives and care givers as well.
The next few months I will be traveling all across Alabama sharing my story about cancer. This is a huge honor to be able to speak and share Hope with everyone. Cancer cannot take away our memories, or the ones who have given us so much in life.
Love,
Pennie

Relay is just around the corner!!!!

2010-04-03T18:28:00.001-07:00

Relay begins this year on April 23rd. Our Cancer Survivor Dinner will begin at 5:30 pm at the Oneonta Recreational Park in the Depot. If you are a cancer survivor come out and let us honor you. The Relay Walk and events begin at 7:00 pm on the center ball field. We will go until Midnight this year. Luminarie will be at 9:30 pm this year.
If you need more information just contact me at pennieannie@otelco.net.
Thank You,
Pennie Bickerstaff
Relay For Life Chair-Blount County

Why Relay For LIfe?

2010-03-07T14:38:00.000-08:00

My family Supports Relay For Life because their focus is on all kinds of cancer. I have a passion to help find a cure for cancer. The truth is no one should have to die from this terrible disease, not children, parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, or uncles, nor friends. If you could only see how much this disease takes from a mother when she watches her child slowly die from this disease then you too would want to make a difference. Every penny counts, so don't let the thought cross your mind that you cannot give. I ask that you step up and sponsor the American Cancer Society with your time, energy, money and love. Together we can build a bridge to help many who are in need to find a cure so they too can live a normal life just as we all do.
Thank you for your support,
Pennie Bickerstaff

If you wish to make a donation in my honor please go to http://main.acsevents.org/goto/penniebickerstaff or you may mail it to me at Attention Pennie Bickerstaff Union Hill Baptist Church 2919 Cty. Hwy. 39 Oneonta, Al 35121 Please make the check to the American Cancer Society (in the for column put in honor of Pennie Bickerstaff)

Fight Cancer with the Alabama Legislature

2010-01-28T05:24:00.000-08:00

Last year we did receive a fund from the State Of Alabama for $360,000.00, this year we are asking for $400,000.00. This fund would help women who are not covered under medicaid or medicare program and who cannot afford Breast and Cervical Cancer Screening. Early Detection is the key ladies and gentlemen. Please call your Legislator and Senator ask them to support the Funding for Alabama's Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program(BCCEDP)and give $400.000,00 to the genral budget for this.
Here are some numbers of what other States did in 2009 for this specific fund:
Ark. 2 million
Ken. 1 million
Lous. $700,000.00
Ms. $150.000
Tenn. 1 million
ALABAMA $360,000.00
Please help us to fight for Women who are in need of these screenings.
Thanks so much Pennie

Damaged Goods

2010-01-23T05:15:00.000-08:00

When you purchase something and it has a flaw you return it from where it came from. As you enter the doorway with your product Customer Service sees that you have come back for a reason. No one wants to deal with a damaged product, they look the other way hoping you will not come to them. Have you ever felt this feeling?
This is how I look at myself. I am a damaged product and it is easier not to look at me or come within my space. When you hurt so much because the damage is there and it will never go away after a loss that is so great our minds cannot think correctly. No one wants to be put aside, we all want someone to console us.
It is so good when people remember my loss, just as it is for you when you have a great loss.
Losses come in many forms: the loss of a family member, job, car, home, and the list goes on and on. Why is it so hard for us to console a person when they are in the middle of turmoil? This is the reason I believe we cannot accept someone who is damaged: We are all damaged in one way or another, pain is not on our agenda, we were suppose to live happy and free forever, so if I don't look I cannot see their pain.
This week I was at a hospital standing in the hall with my smile, I watched people as they walked by some look at me and smiled back, but most of the people would not even look in my direction. It is hard for us to look at others for our own reason’s, maybe because we are afraid we will be shunned if the truth be known we all have some area in our lives where we are hiding the real ME.
I encourage you this week to pick up the phone and call someone who you know is hurting. What do I say? Try this: Hey I just wanted to call and let you know that you have been on my heart and I wanted to make sure you are doing okay. Then ask the person after you here their reply: I am doing okay, NO HOW ARE YOU REALLY DOING? Be prayed up and don’t try to find the solution for their grief because most of the time there is no solution. Be a friend, love just as you want to be, pray with the person you call, be sincere, call when you have time to sit and listen, stay focused, encourage the person you choose or whoever God chooses for you, MOST IMPORTANT DO NOT PICK UP THE PHONE WHEN YOU HANG UP WITH THIS PERSON AND CALL SOMEONE ELSE TO TELL WHAT ALL YOU HAVE JUST HEARD, TRUST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MINISTERING TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE HURTING.
I hope you will take the time to share your damage, listen to someone else’s damage and don’t put on a mask we live in a harsh world as it is. I will be praying for God to work through all of us this week and put a new understanding in our way of thinking.
Trust God,
Pennie

18 Months

2010-01-18T05:27:00.001-08:00

This morning at 6:30 am has been 18 long months since I last seen my little man Daniel. Please pray for Donald, Ray, and me. I know he is fine, happy, and celebrating that cancer is gone. Lord please bless all the families who are fighting cancer.

A Great Honor

2010-01-11T21:08:00.001-08:00

I will be speaking at Leeds/Moody tomorrow night to a Relay For Life group. I will be sharing my journey with cancer. I have learned that cancer cannot erase wonderful memories of my family. I still hear Daniel's laughter, his cute comments, but most of all I can still close my eyes and see his big brown eyes looking at me. I choose to do the next thing and that is to help others who are on a journey with cancer. Please pray for me.
Pennie

Snow

2010-01-10T04:19:00.000-08:00

As the snow was falling this past few day's I was reminded of a great time Donald and I shared with the boy's outside in the deepest snow we ever had which was in 93. Each snowflake is different and that reminds me that each person is different. I am sometimes to bold, Donald is shy, Ray is shy, Daniel was bold like me. I think that each one of us has a special journey that molds us like God wants us to be. Today I am a different person, why am I different than when I grew up? Life changes us, we go through bumps in the road that hurt, we walk on the mountain when life excels. I have became bold because cancer taught me how to stand up on my two feet planted firmly holding onto the Lord and asking for His grace to move me to the next minute. I am doing the next thing, and that is serving God, being humble, and never forgetting what it is like to battle a disease, or any thing else that comes my way. I hope as the New Year unfolds you will find yourself planted firmly on the ground holding onto Christ and remember who's you are.

Prayers Needed

2010-01-08T07:39:00.000-08:00

I will be traveling to Leeds/Moody and Butler County this week to share my story of cancer. I ask that you pray for me as I share my heart with so many who are facing cancer, fighting for someone they love to beat this disease. I always let God speak through me and I ask that you pray for my safe travel and for me emotionally.
Pennie

A Special Christmas

2009-12-24T18:26:00.000-08:00

Their are many who are struggling to get through another Christmas without someone special in their lives. My prayers go up for the many who are sitting in the hospital watching someone they love suffer with a disease or illness.
May God shower down His strength and His healing power over all those who need it.
Tomorrow may never be the same so Love your family with all you are, forget about those harsh words you said, hug and love away your differences. Life is so short so we need to make it the best we can.
God thank you for taking care of my little Daniel. I know he has the greatest gift of all, he is sitting in your lap. Give my little boy a kiss and tell him mommy always thinks of him. Tonight as I visited his grave tears began to flow because I didn't want to leave him there. Father give me, Donald and Ray your Strength because right now we need it dearly.
Father thank you for sending your son to die on the cross to save us from our sins.
Your Daughter,
Pennie

Second Christmas In Heaven!!!!

2009-12-14T02:29:00.000-08:00

Our Little Boy will have his 2nd Christmas in Heaven this Christmas Morning, Our Hearts are filled with happiness to know he is celebrating this Day with our Lord and Savior.

I can just see him now running after the deer with uncle Lamar, sitting in ma ma's lap and fishing with both his
pa pa's, Heaven gets sweeter each minute of the day.
The lights I string in remembrance of you only help for awhile, for nothing will ever be the same.

Your gift from us will be angel kisses that we have asked
God to place on your forehead, along with mama's special hugs. We will search for that one star on Christmas Eve, that shines above all and we will know that you are winking at us.

If we could have given up anything to keep you longer it would not be a contest. God knew He needed you for a special reason, and we will honor whatever He does, for there is no greater love this world could ever hold more than our Savior. He gave His only Son so that we can live forever even after death.

You are our little doodle bug, never to be forgotten.
We will remember you as the little boy who loved to make each moment count. With the thoughts of others above your own. This Christmas Morning we will remember that the Greatest Gift of All is this,
"My Redeemer Lives, He Lives so we may Live On".
Love daddy, mamma and brother

Breath For Me....

2009-11-23T20:08:00.000-08:00

Oh how my heart breaks... This will be our 2ND Thanksgiving and Christmas without our little boy. All I can do is ask God to Breath for me, because I don't want too. I went with my best friend on Saturday to pick out flowers for our children's grave for Christmas. I am trying to be strong but it is hard. God I miss my baby and nothing will ever be the same again, nothing. You don't know what you have until it is gone. Take time to spend time with your family don't take it for granted...

Have you ever felt alone?

2009-10-27T21:20:00.000-07:00

After the loss of our son my life has changed in ways that I never dreamed. For instance my short term memory is not that great anymore. My focus seems so out in space. Sometimes I feel like I am so alone even though I am a christian and I do have a personal relationship with God. I have a great husband who is a strong supporter and we encourage each other each day. I also have a son who has lost his best friend his brother. As a mama I want to fix this but in reality I cannot because I can't bring Daniel back physically. Please pray for Ray he is so lost without Daniel and it breaks my heart. Ray has not been able to go to the cemetery since we buried Daniel. I know this is hurting him so. Life is so valuable so please take each moment as a gift from God.

Cancer hurt's so many...

2009-10-26T06:43:00.000-07:00

Each time I hear someone else who is fighting to live, to put cancer out of their lives it breaks my heart. I am getting geared up for Relay For Life to raise as much money as I can to help cancer patient and to try to find a cure. If you want to help me in this Relay please let me know. You can email me at pennieannie@otelco.net.

I Feel Fall in the Air....

2009-10-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

This was Daniel's favorite time of the year, yes you guessed it deer season. As Donald and Ray set out for their day of adventure in the woods they were missing a very important person, "Daniel". I know this is a hard season for us to get through and my heart broke as they returned home that afternoon with red eyes from crying. I know God sent Donald a special gift to bring home for me to enjoy. While Donald was up in his tree stand a baby fawn came within 20 yards of him. He ate of the leaves and licked his little body and then walked 5 steps to bed down and rest. The fawn stayed there until Donald came down out of the tree to come home just before darkness set in. Thank you God for this AWESOME time and for Donald carrying the video camera so I could share in this special moment. You don't have to look far for the blessings in life just look around and you will see what God is given so we can remember the good times of someone we have lost in this world.
Keep On Shining We Love You Daniel,
Mom, Dad and Ray

15 Months

2009-10-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

Well here I am, I have survived 15 months after the passing of my son Daniel. I can just see him now have the best time with his paw paw and maw maw Goble, along with his paw paw Bickerstaff, uncle Lamar, granny Chamblee, cousin Mari-Anna. On day my son I will be there with you. My heart breaks to know that I must live one more minuted without my little boy. Oh God give me the strength to make it, to carry on and live like you want me to.
Precious Memories,
Pennie

Walking on new ground....

2009-10-03T17:12:00.000-07:00

I will be a guest speaker on November 6, 2009 in Cullman Alabama. I will be sharing my journey of cancer and how I have pushed on to work with other cancer survivor's. I will post more information soon.

My First Dream of Daniel

2009-09-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

I have been praying for 14 months to have a dream about Daniel. Last night I saw my baby for the first time since I set him free to go to Heaven. I was holding him in my arms, his head full of black hair, his little fingers wrapped around mine. He was smiling and looked so sweet and precious. All I can say is Lord thank you so much for this healing dream to hold me over until I see my Daniel in Heaven never more to be seperated again.
Love,
Your Daughter Pennie

What A Day

2009-08-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

Oh how Heaven get's sweeter each day. Today my uncle Hubert Red Chamblee funeral took place. On Thursday morning he entered the gates of Heaven, no more pain for him. I am so thankful God made a way for those who belive in Him can live forever.

End Of Life On Earth....

2009-08-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

Since I last blogged I have had two dear friends pass away with cancer. My heart breaks for the families who have had to deal with their mother's passing away. I will continue to battle this disease and Relay For Life until there is no more cancer.
I can just see them walking, running and praising Our King. One day we will never depart from our loved ones again.
I have had to learn to accept the things I cannot change and keep on going. Now when I say accept I don't mean that my heart does not hurt each moment I live, I mean I will be okay because the Lord is my Strength. I hope and pray for each child, son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, father, grandmother, or friend to be able to survive their journey with cancer.

Heroes Of Hope!!!!

2009-08-15T19:11:00.000-07:00

What an honor and I do mean HONOR. I have been chosen by the American Cancer Society to share my journey with cancer for one year 2009/2010. My life has been changed by cancer, I have learned what it really means to live one more minute. I promise to share my story with other's and encourage you to keep on keeping on. If you would like me to speak at your next event or meeting please feel free to contact.

The Loss Of A Friend

2009-08-14T04:53:00.001-07:00

My heart breaks for the Hilda Dailey family. Hilda passed away August 13, 2009 after a short battle with colon cancer. I will miss this dear lady and great friend. We know she is now in Glory with God and all is WELL with her SOUL.

Today Is The Day The Lord Has Made

2009-07-31T17:50:00.000-07:00

I am wonderfully made in God's fashion. Today has been a very hard day for me. I have asked myself how can I be so sad and heartbroken when I know Daniel is safe from all harm. I am his mother, I gave birth to him, I raised him for 22 years, and now I am left to live without one of my children. I have the right to be sad, to cry, to scream, because I gave birth to him. Even God had to look away when His only Son died on the cross. God knows all the pain of seeing a child, your own flesh hurt and He knows just what I am going through. I ask God to heal my broken heart, to give me strength to carry on one more day. Lord I love you and I thank you for making me, for giving me purpose, hope, love, and grace to face each moment of the DAY. Yes I am made just as God planned, I am His daughter and I will serve Him until I die.

Hero Of Hope

2009-07-30T19:35:00.000-07:00

I have the honor of being chosen to speak as a Hero Of Hope for the American Cancer Society as a cancer survivor. I am so pleased to be able to share my journey with others who too are facing cancer, have survived and or give Hope to the many who need to continue this journey in memory of a loved one. I ask that you pray for me as I share my heart with those who need to have Hope.
Thank You

2009-07-19T16:24:00.000-07:00

My friend who I flew with to Maryland did not make her journey to the hospital for a treatment. She is now cancer free, no more pain or suffering, she is safe in the arms of Jesus. I ask that you pray for the Harvey family. Sometimes we have no idea whose lives we will impact, I hope I have made a difference in the lives of those who are battling cancer.

A Trip To Maryland

2009-06-21T05:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I will fly with a cancer patient to Maryland. She will be going there hopefully to have some type of treatment or surgery to slow down or kill out the cancer. My friend is speical to me, she was one of my teachers in High School. A very good teacher at that. I have all kinds of emotions flowing in my mind that brings back our trip to Pittsburgh with Daniel. I think tomorrow I will be closer to the legecy that Daniel has left for me to carry on. No one knows what we may do before our grand entrance into Heaven. I just know this Father I will go where ever it is you want me to go. I pray for my friend Lord and ask that you bless her as she makes this journey to find healing so she may live just a little longer.

The rain keeps coming!!!!!

2009-05-26T05:15:00.000-07:00

Rain reminds me of tears. The tears of a mother, father, sister and brother who go through this life that has heart-ache too often. Somedays the tears just want stop and so I was thinking Jesus how many tears must You shed before we all wake up and see that this world will not last forever. We are only one heart beat away from seeing Jesus face to face. My hope is that everyone will want to serve God in a mighty way, with your time and talents. I hope you find the time and purpose of what God is leading you to do.

Pedal

2009-05-23T05:31:00.000-07:00

I thought this is so fitting for our lives.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD.
Psalm 37:23

An unknown author once described his journey of giving God control of his life as a tandem bike ride with Christ in the front. He said, "When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long trails up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds; it was all I could do to hang on!! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!" I was worried and anxious and asked, "Where are You taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust. And I'm beginning to enjoy the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Christ. And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says..."Pedal."

Though we may fear and doubt where God is taking us, when we give Him control, our life will never be the same. We'll begin to find adventure in the midst of adversity, and peace during times of pain. All we have to do is let Him steer our life while we simply pedal.

Give your life to God; He can do more with it than you can!
Dwight L. Moody

A Part Of My Body

2009-05-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

Today has been the test of time. How can a mother survive the death of a child? I can only say God is my strength. Our lives are tested to see if we prove to be who we say we are. Did I pass the test? God do you think I can make it to do what ever it is you want me to? I have so many questions and very little answeres. I do know this I love God and I am trusting that He holds each of us in the palm of his hands. I watched Farrah's story the other night. Friends I will tell you this I have watched two of my loved ones die a horrible death from colon cancer and it is an eye opener for you to at least see behind the scenes of a colon cancer patient. Is it fair that you watched this and if you thought in horror how can a person be videoed with this? Many people we know are fighting cancer. The sad news is this, our cancer is not researched enough nor is there any current treatment to at least give them more than a year or two to live. I want us to remember that cancer is real, it hurts so much that you cannot understand unless you have had to sit by there bed and watch them suffer.
Our Daniel no longer suffers, he is safe at home with Jesus.

Mother's Day

2009-05-11T05:40:00.000-07:00

Our family shared a day of reflection yesterday. As most of you know this was my first Mother's Day without Daniel, also decoration where he is buried was yesterday. We went to the cementary and placed our flowers. The greatest surprise awaited us as we noticed a flower arrangment on his grave. It had his picture in a glass waterglobe that is just beautiful.
As we arrived back at home Donald and Ray cooked me a wonderful lunch. We had meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, fried green tomatoes my favorite and bread.
Then Ray pulled out his card for me, this made my day because Ray picked out the card all by himself and this is what it said:
Having You For A Mom Is A Beautiful Thing
I've always known I could trust you, that you cared about me, and if I truly needed to confide in you, I could. Just knowing that has made a wonderful difference in my life. More than you probably know.
Now that is profound coming from a wonderful son that I have. I just love him so much and as I looked at him yesterday I noticed how much he really does look like me. I thank God for every moment I have with him and I remember the moment I gave birth to him as he cried out.
We spent the rest of the day just laying around and then we went back to the cementary again. There are sweet memories I have of Daniel and I will always carry them with me.
I thank God for my family, for my mom and dad.

Brown Eyed Son

2009-05-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

Brown Eyed Son
I will never forget the moment I gave birth to you,
Your little brown eyes gazing up at who?
Your tiny fingers grasp mine as if to say mama I know I am your sunshine.
I watched you grow from a baby to a boy, full of mischief, along with a lot of joy.
The surprises you gave to your dad and I will never be forgotten, for you were very rotten.
Those big brown eyes saved your hide many times, from a paddle on your backside.
You grew to be a fine young man, cancer had to come by and ruin our plans.
Your courage and strength beamed above all pain, it would have driven anyone else insane.
You held fast to God’s Holy words, always looking upwards.
Now you can run, eat, fish, hunt, but most of all you are in a Heavenly place, where only grace matters.
I know you are looking down on us, with much fondness. Our lives have been changed here on earth, since the day of your new birth.
We know Jesus holds you in the palm of His hands, just as the clouds expand.
Oh What Glory your brown eyes must behold, just as you entered the threshold.
Our love for you Daniel will never be forgotten, for you are our little boy with a lot of action.
Never a dull moment with you, for you are the glue, you hold us together with a needle and thread.
You are only a heartbeat away, one day we will hold each other again.
In Loving Memory of Daniel Ray Bickerstaff by Mom…

My little Daniel

2009-05-09T16:22:00.000-07:00

A million times i've needed you
a million times i've cried
if love could have save you
you never would have died
things we feel most deeply
are the hardest things to say
my dearest one, i love you
in a very special way
if i could have one lifetime wish
one dream that would come true,
i'd pray to God with all my heart
for yesterday and you.

Memories of Easter

2009-04-14T19:41:00.000-07:00

I remember the times my family would spend the day eating, hunting eggs, and just plain living the good life. This Easter was very different for us, we are missing one family member Daniel. Donald and I visited his grave Sunday April 12, 2009. I felt the hot tears running down the side of my face as I wished so much that I could hold Daniel one more time. Donald and I sat on the park bench and held hands as we both remembered the times we played with the boys outside on Easter Day. We came back home to eat our Easter Dinner just as Ray had come home from a turkey hunt. It felt so good to see him, to know he was home safe with us. We are learning how to cope without our youngest son, he will forever be in our thoughts each day.

Here I go AGAIN...

2009-03-02T08:17:00.001-08:00

Humm, what is going on in my world? Well I am starting the year 2009 with test's. Yes that is correct, I really do not want to but I have to. This Wednesday March 4, 2009 I will have two tests one a EGD and the other a colonoscopy. I really wish I could pass this onto someone else like we do playing hot potatoe (ha,ha). Just keep me in your prayers and I will be fine.

Who said it would be easy?

2009-03-01T21:48:00.000-08:00

Living one day to the next, one moment at a time. When I breathe in I feel blessed because that means God still needs to work through me. There is not a day go by that I don't know I have a purpose to survive life. Surviving through the most diffucult times is always amazing to me. How did I get this far? Where did my family go? I feel like half my body has been taken away and replaced with uncertainties. Then when I am in the vally deeper than I ever thought I can feel the Master pulling me up out of the pit. Without God I am nothing, with Him I can do all things. I am so thankful God loves me even when I don't feel like loving back. One day I will walk on the shore of Heaven I will hold my little boys hand, my dad, my mom, my brother and my grandmother as we shout together I am safe at home.

Eight Months Today!!!!

2009-01-18T08:19:00.001-08:00

It is hard to believe today marks our eigth month journey without Daniel. I look around to remember how much he needed to go home. When I look at his pictures I see pain, loss of weight and how much he wanted to be able to walk again, run, hunt, fish, but most of all be normal again. I see the reason it all made sense to go to Heaven, my little boy would never be the same here on earth. How do you let go of someone you love so much? I will never let go, one day we will be made whole again. I will run down the streets of gold to catch my little boy in a huge bear hug. One day, Oh what a day it will be to behold my Savior who holds my little boy now. Thank you Jesus for being the one to hold our little boy Daniel.

A New Year

2009-01-01T06:33:00.000-08:00

It is strange how we travel in time. A New Year means a fresh start. My heart breaks because here we in 2009 and I have to start a New Year without my son. I told God I could only do what He gives me the strength to do. There is not a moment that passes without a thought of Daniel that floats through my mind. I miss his little smile, the way he would cut his eyes over at me if I said something he didn't like. His sweet little voice, most of all I miss his smell. We all know how animals smell of their little ones to make sure they are all with their mama. I miss hearing Daniel's little I loves you, and his thank yous, I just miss him.... Daniel you are and will always be our little star.
In 2009 we will never forget our little boy....
In Memory of Daniel

A Time of Passing

2008-12-13T20:44:00.000-08:00

Our family has suffered a great loss this week-end. My uncle Charles Chamblee passed away after a long illness. We know he is in a better place, no more pain, or strife. We will bury him on Tuesday. Please keep my family in your prayers.
Thanks,
Pennie

Christmas Tree

2008-12-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

Some people have asked me why I don't want to put up a tree this year for Christmas? Some have said it will make you feel better, and I say no it will not. The Christmas tree for my family has always been about sharing time together putting the lights and ornaments on it. A time to laugh, guess what is under the tree, and to make memories as we go along the way. The tree has always been special to us as we share how Jesus was born. This year I have decided not to do the tree. Oh I know you may think I am terrible for not doing this, to tell the truth I just don't think I can make a memory this year without Daniel. We are lost without him, our hearts have a huge hole, and nothing will ever fill that void. I am angry because life is not fair. How do you breath one minute to the next without a child you raised for 22 years? Where is the fairness in all of this? And yes I do ask God why? I may never know the answer but as a mother I have to ask this question. I ask that you pray for my family this Christmas Season.
Thanks,
Pennie

Six Month's Ago...

2008-11-18T04:16:00.000-08:00

Today is a very hard day for me. My little boy Daniel passed away six months ago at 6:30 am. I miss him so much, I just want to see him, smell him, and hold him. The ache of a mothers arms for her child is a feeling I cannot describe. My heart feels like it is going to burst into a thousand pieces. Please pray for my family today as we yearn for our son.
Pennie Bickerstaff

A Blast

2008-11-17T05:30:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I last wrote. I had a blast at Nashville, we learned so much and I made new friends. I wish everyone could have gone because this conference has lite a fire under me. Pray for our committee workers as we plan for our new Relay Year 2009/2010. Can you believe we are almost in the new year? Of all the things I have learned this year one thing stands out in my thoughts I have to keep fighting for a cure for cancer, I do not want any other family to lose a child, mother, father, sister, brother, grandparents, and so forth. I ask that you will please join me in the fight against cancer.
Thanks,
Pennie Bickerstaff

Nashville

2008-11-07T04:39:00.000-08:00

I am about to be on my way the door to head to Nashville Tennessee. I am going with Kristin, she is our Staff Partner for Blount county Relay For Life. We are going to a Regional Kick-off at the Gaylord Opreyland Hotel. I am so excited to be able to learn more so I can serve other cancer victims. Pray, Pray for a safe trip for us...
Pennie

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Sharing Daniel's Love....

2008-10-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

Our Family Goal in Life is to share what we have experienced with cancer and the love Daniel showed for others who suffer during his life on earth. We knew Daniel would want to bless others with the gift of his electric wheel-chair. A friend asked if we would loan the chair to a man who had brain cancer and could not walk anymore. It was a honor to do this in memory of Daniel. Sadly Mr. Burgett passed away. Donald and I went to get the chair to let Steve Dixon use as long as he needs to. We will continue to do this for cancer patients.
Pennie

A Message

2008-10-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

This morning I awoke at 3:00 am. I could not go back to sleep. I knew there was a reason why, so I started to pray. I called out names of our cancer patients asking God to take care of them. This afternoon I found out why I was awaken at 3:00 am to pray. David Whited was admitted back in the hospital with a fever and an infection. I found out later this afternoon that he will receive 2 units of blood. Then I received an email about a friend who I love dearly, Tammy Reams. She is a colon cancer patient as well. They had to do surgery on her today, she had a blockage in her colon and is in ICU. I then received an update on Steve Dixon who has brain cancer, he is now able to stay at the Hope Lodge in Birmingham so his treatments will not be to unbearable by traveling back to Blount County each day.
I am thankful God pressed upon my heart to pray for those who are struggling on an every day basis. Prayer is the key. I must believe in God's word that He will hold us through all the storms this life can dish out. Please Pray for these special people each day.
Thanks,
Pennie

Shaken Ground

2008-10-18T05:40:00.000-07:00

Daniel is the youngest with his brother Ray.
As I look around me I see people who are hurting because of cancer. If you have never had it then you will not understand what all I am about to say. I feel like someone has taken my body and turned me upside down to shake my insides out. When fighting a battle with the unknown it is very scary, you are not sure what door to open next, or if you even want to enter the next room. Today I am remembering the battle Daniel my 22 year old son fought so he could live, not for himself but for Donald, Ray, and I. Five months ago on this date at 6:30 am Daniel went home to be with the Lord. I miss him so much I cannot expresss to you in words how much I long to hold my son again. I know how Mary felt when Jesus hung on that old cross for our sins and died to give us life. My son life was given for a reason and taken away for a much greater need. I don't know all the answers and I won't care when I get to Heaven because all will be fine with my family their to worship God together. My heart breaks for those who will suffer cancer and who is suffering now. I am committed to stand in the gap and be a tool used by God to help those who are fighting to live. Pray for my family and I as we contine to reach those who hurt.
Lifting up Prayers,
Pennie

My Friend Steve Dixon...

2008-10-18T05:39:00.001-07:00

I am about to tell you about a man fighting to live. Steve Dixon who was a Medic for Blount EMS has been struck with cancer. It first started in his lungs, he had treatments and the lungs cleared up. When he went to be scanned again the cancer has spread to his liver, pancreas, and the brain. Steve was suppose to be fitted today for a cap to have radiation on his head. The doctor decided to scan him one more time to make sure they were on target. The cancer in his brain has grown so fast and large they had to start radiation and chemotherapy today without the cap. Steve needs your prayers for this treatment to work fast. He is also trying to get in the Hope Lodge at the American Cancer Society Hotel. We need to pray that a room comes available ASAP. His treatments will be five days a week, for four weeks.
We need to pray for a cure and for Steve’s medical assistance. Our fire departments plan on doing some fund raisers to help this family as well. Thank you for your continued support through prayers and our efforts to help those who are cancer victims.

Prayers Needed....

2008-10-18T05:36:00.000-07:00

Pennie, please add my Father, Clifford Lochamy. He fell Monday and broke his right arm and fracture the socket for his hip. He is in St. Vincent's East. He is losing blood and they are not sure from where right now.

Also, I have a friend whose Mother has just been given 3 to 6 months to live due to pancreatic cancer. Pray for the Wood's family.

Fund Raisier for a Cancer Patient

2008-10-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

Just letting you know that Mulberry Church is having a benefit spaghetti supper for Dawn this Saturday evening from 5pm till 7:30. The price is just a donation. Would you please forward this to the other members?

Dawn just finished her 10 strong radiations and will start her chemo in 2 weeks. Her cancer was just determined to be "Cancer from an unknown origin" whatever that is. They originally said that it was recurring cervical cancer. Her doctors at UAB said that they had a game plan for this type of cancer.

The tumor around her spine which was the size of an orange has shrunk we know. She is able to walk now and has far less pain. She has turned it all over to God and counts herself as blessed to have her family, church and friends to support her. All things are possible through Christ our Lord.

Pray for our entire family as this is effecting us all.

I love all of you and count you as Gods' Blessings to me.

Deb Newman

Two year old cancer patient...

2008-10-18T05:30:00.000-07:00

HELLO EVERYONE!!!

I hope you all have had a good day! Alexis' feet seem to be some better today! She has definitely acted more like herself today...of course, that could have something to do w/the fact that she got to see Joan today when we went to Gadsden Pediatrics to have counts done...which ALWAYS makes her happy! Her WBC was really low and her ANC was only 170...YUCK! So needless to say we will be hiding out at home for the next few days, and HOPE and PRAY for NO FEVERS!!! (anytime her ANC is under 500 and she runs a fever of 101 or greater, it means a hospital stay for us) Please say extra special prayers that Alexis will stay fever free, and that her counts will improve!

Alyssa has another project for school she is working on, plus a big Alabama Counties Test coming up next week...so needless to say we have plenty of things to keep us busy at home this weekend!

Thank you all for your prayers and sweet messages. You all mean so much to us!

Hope you all have a great night!

We Love You All,

LaDonna

Prayers change Lives

2008-10-13T21:33:00.000-07:00

I have a friend Steve Dixon who needs your prayers very much. Steve has started radiation therapy for a brain tumor. He is a wonderful person.

Cookies for Cancer Patients

2008-09-30T07:26:00.001-07:00

I wanted to update you all on our Cookie Bake Off for Cancer Patients. At my Church Union Hill this past Saturday we gathered and made enough cookies for 140 cancer patients, that was delivered to St. Vincent's East and UAB Cancer Center on Monday September 29, 2008. This Ministry began in 2006 in Honor of my son Daniel who wanted to bless other cancer patients with love and prayers. I continue this ministry in memory of my sweet son Daniel. These cookies are sent with lots of prayers and love. Cancer is so unfair so if we can show one patient they are worthy of love, hope, peace and comfort in their time of need it is worth all the hard work. We give God all the Glory for HIS promptness to do His work while we are here on this earth.

Treatments

2008-09-30T05:02:00.000-07:00

Kathy Wickstrom had her first treatment yesterday. She said she is feeling fine and is at work today. Kathy just found out she will be a grandmother. I am so excited for her.
Pennie

Encouragement

2008-09-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,
There are so many new cancer patients in our area. My heart hurts for those who have to battle a disease they did not ask for. I am asking that you make a difference in praying for these people.
Kathy NeSmith
Kathy Wickstrom
David Whited
Sandra Tidwell
Kim Shade
Sherri Shaw
Tammy Reams
Megan Brittan
Steve Dixon
Larry Dixon
Mary Turner
Karen Catete
Mr. Burgette
I also ask that you pray for our Relay For Life Committee. Pray our goals will go above and beyond our thoughts, hopes and dreams. Pray for Blount County to come together and make 2008/2009 a huge success for cancer patients.
May God Bless You,
Pennie Bickerstaff

Bitter Sweet

2008-09-24T07:11:00.001-07:00

Donald received an Award from the American Cancer Society on Tuesday August 19, 2008. He was chosen Caregiver of the Year. I sent in a letter to nominate him because he is a wonderful caring person to so many of my family members who had cancer as well as myself. Our son Daniel who passed away on May 18, 2008 thought Donald hung the moon, just as I do. Donald is a model for those who are caregivers to cancer patients. His love and endurance has held our family together. His faith in God is stronger today than yesterday. Donald is sitting in this picture on the left side holding his Award. This Award is nothing compared to the one he will receive in Heaven. Donald said I did what I was suppose to do and that is to take care of my family. I thank God for giving Donald to me, I am blessed more than words could ever say.
Pennie

In Memory Of Daniel

2008-09-24T07:08:00.000-07:00

This past week September 16 - 20, 2008 we have put together a booth at the Fair for Relay For Life. This booth has provided many in Blount County with information on all types of cancer. Our Committee is working hard to have a great Relay For Life this year. I am working as hard as I can to serve other cancer patients in memory of Daniel. One of the special events I head up in my home church is cookies for cancer patients. Everyone is invited to attend and help bake cookies to be delivered to treatment centers in Birmingham. My goal with this is to let the cancer patients know they are not alone and people are praying for them to be healed. I encourage each of you to do the same, let's make a difference in this world. May God bless each of you and remember to pass those blessings on to others.

Pennie Bickerstaff

Missing Him

2008-09-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

Missing Him

Yesterday September 7, 2008 was the first day of Dove Season. If Daniel were here he would have been out in a field with Ray and Donald shooting all the doves he could. It is hard to believe Daniel will be gone for 4 months on September 18th. I started GriefShare last week to try to get through this journey with other mom's who have lost a child. I ask that you pray for my family as we struggle to make it each moment of the day. I have a reminder for you. Pray for those who have cancer and just beginning their journey. God is so AWESOME and I know with all my heart He is the One in Charge of Our Lives. Each day is a blessing to be able to wake up and breath, smell the rain, and watch the birds fly. Remember God is our Creator, Our Hope, Our Salvation, Our Promise that this is not the perfect life. One day we will live in the perfect Heaven. Cherish each moment you have with your children, brother, sister, mother, father, grandparents, most of all love the Lord Your God with all Your heart.

Until God Calls Me Home,

Pennie Bickerstaff

Making A Difference

2008-09-24T06:57:00.000-07:00

I submitted Donald my husband as caregiver of the year to the American Cancer Society. Friday August 1, 2008 the phone rang, when I answered it Barbara Bates she shared with me that Donald will receive this Award August 19, 2008 at The Club in Birmingham. She shared with me out of all the thousands of people nomiated for this award they chose Donald. Barabra also shared with me how much Daniel our 22 year old son who passed away this May was truly a Inspiration to all of ACS. For me this is one of the highest honors a person can receive. I know Daniel is jumping for joy as he watches his dad being honored. I want to share with you why Donald was choosen for this Award. We have been married for 26 years, during this time Donald has helped to take care of my family. My dad who had colon cancer and passed away in 1992, my mom who had liver and breast cancer she passed away in 1996, my brother who had colon cancer passed away in 2007, myself as a cancer survivor since 1998, and our son Daniel passed away May 18, 2008. The outcome was not what we wanted in the case of losing so many loved ones. Donald has always been there to help in anyway he needed, never complaining, never giving up. In my eyes he is one of the most remarkable men that God has put on this earth. I thank God each day for the gift He has given to our family each other to hold onto during the happy times as well as the sad.

Pennie

One Moment at a Time...

2008-07-28T11:47:00.000-07:00

I had my test done this past Thursday, all is well and there is no cancer. Praise God!!!!
Donald and I traveled to Tennessee this past week-end. We had a good time seeing family and enjoying the sites. Last year when we made the trip Daniel was with us we miss him so much. My uncle who has altizmers keep asking what happened to Daniel and where he was. I think we handled it very well. When I walked into my aunt Lula Mae's house and saw her lift chair I thought of Daniel. That is where is slept the last time we were there. So many wonderful memories began to flood my mind as I thought of how Daniel loved his great aunts and uncle. Today has been a hard day for me, I have no control over my emotions today. A dear friend Anna came by today, she is such a wonderful person to cry with and share my feelings with. I am reading the book of Job again, it seems to help me to know that someone else has made it through this world when all else fail. Well this is my blog for now.
Pennie

Big Day

2008-07-24T02:20:00.000-07:00

Today is my big day to learn just what it is the doctor has found. Am I nervous? Yes I am.... I have been praying for all things to be fine with my body. I know God is in charge!!!!
Pennie

How Can Life Go On Without Our Son Daniel?

2008-07-21T07:33:00.001-07:00

Our world became very disrupted June 2005 when we learned our 19 year old son had stage three colon cancer. A journey began with each new day taking twists and turns we did not know what to expect. Our family history of colon cancer is very strong, my dad passed away at the age of 55 of with colon cancer. My mom passed away at 55 with breast & liver cancer. I am a carrier of (FAP) Familial Adenomatous Polyposis, a genetic disorder and had colon cancer in 1998. I have one missing link in my DNA that has caused our family to have colon cancer. My dad was a carrier, it was passed on to me and my younger brother Lamar who passed away July 13, 2007 at the age of 39 with colon cancer, and in turn I passed it on to my son Daniel. The thought of me giving my son cancer has been a torment to me, I know that I did not intentionally give this to him. I feel like I have fallen off a cliff, and a huge bolder has landed on top of me, I cannot move to save our son. We fought so hard to keep Daniel alive, we did every treatment possible, we prayed every minute of the day, God had a reason for taking our son. I am holding onto Jesus, because if I let go I will fall in the pit of despair, more than I am now. Daniel was the greatest young man you would ever meet. He never complained about how hard his journey was. We now know Daniel was holding on for us, because he knew our lives without him would be so lost. I am sometimes angry because life is not fair, sad because I know someone else is going through what we are, hurt because I feel like the world should stop spinning just as mine has, and thankful because Daniel is now home with our The Father.
Pennie

Prayers Needed!!!

2008-07-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

Hello,
For those of you who do not know me, I am a colon cancer survivor of 10 years. I just went for my annual checkup this past Monday. The doctor removed one polyp and he found something else, it could be a lesion or some type of growth. I will go this coming Thursday July 24, 2008 for out-patient surgery. The doctor will biopsy the growth. Pray this is not anything serious, I am trusting in God to take care of me.
Thanks,
Pennie